Your children begin to look middle-aged. 

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. 

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. 

Dialing long distance wears you out. 

You just can't stand people who are intolerant. 

The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off. 

After 9:00 pm, you're burning the midnight oil. 

The little grey-haired old lady you helped across the street was your wife. 

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet. 

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

Your best friend is dating someone half his age and isn't breaking any laws.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You watch Old Folks MTV (The Weather Channel).

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.