-
I'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts
until 8 p.m.
-
I'm very good at opening child proof caps with
a hammer.
-
I'm usually interested in going home before
I get where I'm going.
-
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without
my aspirin, beano, antacid...
-
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever
I go.
-
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me
to get up.
-
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear
a word you are saying.
-
I'm very good at telling stories ... over and
over and over and over.
-
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren
are not as bright as mine.
-
I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care,
private care, dental care...
-
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic,
waiting, crowds, noisy children, politicians...
-
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure
place.
-
I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy ... and that's
just my left leg.
-
I'm having trouble remembering simple words
like...
-
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
-
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoking,
anti-noise, anti-inflammatory...
-
I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying
it less.
-
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed
doors ... absolutely nothing.
-
I'm in the initial stage of the golden years:
SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP...
-
I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just
lost the storeroom.
-
I've gotten to the age where I need my false
teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
-
Young at heart. Slightly older in other places.
-
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
-
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-
There are three signs of old age. The first
is the loss of memory. The other two I forget.
-
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun --
and fun a lot more work.
-
Middle age is when you have stopped growing
at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
-
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything
that I'm too old to enjoy.
-
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
-
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
-
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
-
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good,
spit it out.
-
By the time you're wise enough to watch your
step, you're too old to go anywhere.
-
Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to every man. Isn't that the worse time for a guy
to get those odds?
|
