 You can live without sex, but not without glasses. All the names in your little black book begin with Dr. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. All you exercise is caution. You step out of the shower and are happy the mirror is all fogged up. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist and 105 around the golf course. You discover that your child's history lessons are what you studied as current events. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You're more interested in seeing how long the car will last than in how fast it will go. You stop picking your vacation spot for its excitement and choose it for its quiet. You and your teeth don't sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you're not eating cereal. Your back goes out more often than you do. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. Happy hour is a nap. You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does. You have two options, and you take the one that gets you home the earliest. You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. It takes twice as long to look half as good. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. You have more patience - because you just don't care anymore. Getting a little action means you don’t have to take a laxative. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. What doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
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