My investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Kidnappers are not very interested in me.

 It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

I can start smoking now and it won't have time to hurt me.

People no longer view me as a hypochondriac.

My secrets are safe with my friends because they can't remember them either.

My supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

My eyes won't get much worse.

Things I buy now won't wear out.

No one expects me to run into a burning building.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

In a hostage situation I am likely to be released first.